Be careful what you wish for right? I’ve always expected to end up at the arse end of Australia if anywhere assuming the magic job fairy ever blesses me – and if you know Australia then you know how bleak that might be. I’ve been to the outback once and it was horrible, it’s too hot for rocks out there – too dry for anything more than beasts that survived the permian extinction. I know this because one of them, a two meter Monitor lizard tried to eat me. Lucky for me Aussie men are mad from the heat and this guy chased it off with a very large stick. I have to say though – it did look at him with some hesitation before it went away, I’m pretty sure it was thinking – can I take them both?
Above: That’ my kitty!
I like blokey dudes, those that appear out of no where wielding a dead tree to save me from something pre-postosuchus. Thing is, we have dicks here too, a lot, and most of them I’ve met, it seems – to me.
Anyway that’s a little off topic – I’ll lay off the man bashing shall I? I’d been busy applying to the few scienceful jobs that don’t involve oil/iron/uranium/gas flavoured land raping – as I am not a fan of any of that sort of thing, and got a bite! Which is where I have been lately, I got to go play science at a big radio telescope which was actually near civilisation!
Sadly I am part of a team who has been working on some imaging tech which I’d tell you about but then I’d have to kill you. It’s a secret, unless you’re a Russian or Chinese hacker than you’ve probably already got access to it and my laptop camera, which is why I am wearing a t-shirt in bed. We are working for another place – which is much larger and specialised than the facility we will are starting at – looking at sharpening resolutions that will help look backwards in time.
Cue 2001 jokes.
The days of individuals doing anything in science alone and getting anywhere are probably gone, so I have shelved the plans I had of a warp drive, cold fusion reactor and Make-me-taller© beam, which I began designing when I was 6 I think. Sadly I am no closer to any prototypes of them than I was when I announced to my mum that the fluids under the kitchen sink which I’d poured into the lawn mower tank actually warped space/time. At least this time I won’t miss out on dessert for a month.
Gosh I hope it works – it’d be nice to actually get my masters… I have a female friend in the group – another woman who goes to parties to get asked what she does – then has to listen to some idiot guy insist that astrology is legitimate science. Poor thing, oh well at least I’m not ethnic and I don’t get the – hi do you speak English thing.
The remaining two have willies – I am assuming – they have boys names and one of them is quite a cool guy, he is capable of real conversations and actually refuses to abbreviate in text messages! Keeper! This dude and I get along quite well and so we do most of the talking, his name is Dave – get it? I do – cough.
So contestant number 4 is well – have you ever done science? You know the kid that got all the 100%’s in everything and has that look on his face like he peed his pants and he thinks you should clean that up for him? The plump mummies boy with the same thick glasses as me although not for fasshy ironic reasons just because they are more practical – sociopath? The guy who in first year said “You’ll just get pregnant to one of the marketing students” as a kind of hello.
Him. Sweet Darwin – kill me now.
So he’s a genius at programming and thankfully I’m not in that stream but somehow he ended up being interested in the kind of thing that the rest of us are. So he and his buddies wrote something that almost worked, until my other – overdue to be pregnant student – and I worked out why his software didn’t work. Here is the news! Girls beat man – at something that involves thinking no less! A dark day in history.
No, we don’t get on, did you guess? Dave seems to be able to communicate with spectacled hate and his cadre of geeks but those of us plagued with stupid inducing bewbz not so much. The other she – not me – the other woman has so much patience – not even I seem to get on her nerves but he does, so there you have it, it’s not just me.
Anyway we have to spend spring together – mostly in a small room and in small on-campus accommodation so I am ploughing through vodka and illicit substances – cards against humanity too, he’s great at that, and burying hookers in his back yard. Don’t get me wrong this is awesome, but it’d be nice to not have to deal with him.
Did I tell you I fucking love science? Even if you are stuck in a room for most of the rest of your life pouring over data, trying to work out where a hypothetical/theoretical something is.
I was worried when I took this stream that I’d end up either jobless or working for some dreary commercial interest but here I am staring at the sky again – joy!
I won’t see much of this spring though – sadly – oh hello Mr vodka! Have you met Ms lime? Have a swish around to some music and meet me in my mouth.